How engaging

So I'm engaged! Woo! I think anyone reading this already knows, but it's still pretty awesome. It was actually last Tuesday that we decided, but we didn't tell anyone until last Saturday when Steven got the ring from his mom. It kinda felt more official then. We didn't even tell people much after that either. We hung out with some friends of mine all evening on Saturday, but I just didn't know how to bring it up. I was cooking, so I had to take the ring off shortly after I arrived, and by the time we were done cooking, it just felt weird to put it back on, and be like "so we've been here for a few hours without saying anything, but now let me just say that we're getting married." It's a bit awkward, especially since I didn't even know everyone there. I know I didn't have anything to worry about, but it was still pretty weird, and I just didn't know how to breach the topic. I figured out a decent way to do it Sunday morning when I changed my facebook status to engaged. I got a lot of wall posts from facebook stalkers, so I knew I'd gotten the gossip mills turning. That's all I needed. Now that the word was circulating, it wasn't so awkward or so out-of-left-field to bring it up. Hooray! When I stopped by Stebbins later that day, there was much gushing.It was pretty fun actually. I got some very cute responses from people... and one very awkward response from Jessica.

Me: Did you hear?
Jessica: What?
Me: We're getting married!
J: No you're not.
*shows ring*
J: What? Really?
Me: Yeah. Really.
J: No way.
Me: We really are.
J: Uh... weird. I don't really know what to say. Congratulations I guess.

I think she mostly didn't believe us because she thought I was too young. She just thought it was weird to be married at our age. I think she's never had a relationship serious enough to even think about marriage, so it probably just weirded her out to see someone her own age getting engaged. Steven was a little offended, like "is it really that surprising?", but I don't think she really meant anything by it. I don't know that she knew how close we are. Also, I think Jessica and I haven't been as close since the CSSA officer dinner when Julia invited Jesse and Jessica supported it, even when no one else wanted him to show up. I hate the guy and pretty much said as much. Perhaps that was stupid, but I was just so shocked that they wanted to bring him when he had no affiliation with the club and was only tolerated by two people in the club. Kat mentioned that she found him abrasive (I believe I supplied her with the adjective in an earlier conversation), and of course Julia passed that on to him, which made him even more determined to go because he's such an ass. In the end he didn't go and I walked with Julia and Jessica to our dinner 10 minutes late because of all the ridiculous arguing we had to do to convince him not to come. The walk felt awkward to me. They had a decent conversation, but I don't think I was really a part of it. They still responded when I asked a direct question, but I had little doubt that their opinions of me had lessened and my opinion of them wasn't exactly what it used to be either. It's not like we're not friends anymore, but it just feels a little awkward, and a little less warm to me now than it used to. Which may explain why Jessica wasn't all that happy for me as well. I just don't think we're terribly close anymore, and she was just kinda weirded out by the whole thing. Silly of her though. There's only one appropriate response to someone who tells you they're about to be married and that's gushing happiness. People are touchy about that sort of thing. I honestly don't mind terribly, but I did see it as further evidence that we're no longer all that close.

But responses aside, I'll get into a few of the details. Well, there aren't many of them yet, actually. We're planning to get married in two years sometime in the summer. I vetoed August because that's when my birthday is. I don't want an anniversary and my birthday falling too close together. It would be like those poor souls whose birthdays fall on Christmas. No extra celebration for them- one holiday just swallows the other up. So that leaves the first half of summer. Steven says it's too early to decide and he doesn't really want to think about it too much, but what can I say? It's on my mind. When something's on my mind, I tend not to do things by halves. Also, I like to have things planned. It gives me a certain satisfaction. I've also been puzzling over bridesmaids and ushers a little bit. That's not so easy to decide. Who to choose and who not to choose? I guess I could just be inclusive and have a huge entourage. Justine had 6 bridesmaids. I could in theory have that many. Justine and Steven's sister Diana (I hear it's pretty common to include siblings, even though I'm not exactly close with her) are pretty much guaranteed. The the who else gets hazy. I've been pretty close with Kat throughout college. I don't consider myself that close with Lucy, but she's tried to keep in touch with me more than just about anyone else since high school. I feel a bit guilty about it. I know she feels a lot closer to me than I do to her, but maybe that's not true anymore since I'm so bad at keeping in touch. Arg! Lucy is a large guilt trip for me, but I almost feel like I ought to... Then there's Susan. She's cute, and a kick, and lots of fun to hang out with, but I wonder if we'll still be keeping in touch after I've moved out of Stebbins. I'm definitely closer to her than to any other female in Stebbins. Then there's Beverly who I've known since freshman year and HAVE NOT been able to keep in touch with when we didn't have class together, but have had SO MUCH fun with her when we have. She's so much fun to hang out with, but I've always been horrible about keeping up contact. Hmmm. So that makes 2 definites and 4 potentials. Justine may have had 6, but I don't know about myself. I'm closer with some of these people than others. I should really just make some choices. Honestly, Kat's a good choice. We have long interesting conversations and I've known her for a long time. Susan will be a lot of fun to party with and I think we might be able to keep in touch better if she knows she's going to be a bridesmaid. I could make the same argument for Beverly too, though. Hmmm... and then there's Lucy, who I don't think I need to have as a bridesmaid, but she'd appreciate it so much and she wouldn't have to worry about me not liking her or anything- she'd just know that I don't keep in touch with people well. Hmmm... I'll have to ask Steven if he can match 6 bridesmaids with 6 ushers. Hmmm...

Well that's enough of this for now. I did want to go on a mild rant about how the romantic thing is inequitable to women when it comes to proposing, but I've been writing for a while now and I'm not sure I want to write more. Oh well... it'll be quick.

So the way things work now, if the guy wants to propose, he'll do it in a surprising and romantic way, often in public, in such a way that it's very hard or embarrassing to say no. So the guy who wants to propose is almost always guaranteed a yes. Then again, the guy who doesn't want to propose (like Kyle and Matiuzzi, where in his words "she's not a trophy wife") can just keep the girl waiting indefinitely even for years before she realizes a proposal isn't on the horizon and she's been wasting her time (if marriage is a goal of hers). Kyle's such a dick. I don't really like Matoots but she doesn't deserve that. Bah. So this is why Steven and I just discussed it. Not romantic, but as far as I'm concerned, romance keeps women down. Rawr!

Ok. I think that'll do for now. Buh bye!