Getting older

I was pondering the other day over what was different between me when I started college and me now. Really, there is nothing I can do now that I couldn't do at 18. I can still write a decent paper. I can still solve a math problem. In fact, I was probably better at that when I was 18 since it was all a little more fresh in my mind. Really, given any task I can do now, I could probably do it then. I don't think my abilities have grown any, but everything that I do just seems to come a little easier. Potential pitfalls occur to me a little quicker. Various tasks seem to take a little less time. I feel like I'm able to focus a little more than I used to. Everything seems just a bit simpler.

I wonder if this is what my growth is going to be for the rest of my life? When I was young, growth was a big deal and the changes were pretty pronounced. At one age I needed to climb onto the counter to reach the cups. Later on I could do it from a chair. Then tip toes. Well tiptoes never really stopped happening. I'm short. But anyway, there are plenty of other examples as well. At one point I just wasn't old enough to ride a bike and then my legs actually grew enough that I could pedal effectively with them. At one point I wouldn't have understood symbolism in stories even if someone had tried to explain it to me. Later I was able to spot it on my own. It was very weird for me to realize that growing meant something different now and, in fact, had mean something different for a while. I remember getting huffy when I wouldn't get a job I had tried out for. I'd say to myself, "I could do this, and I'd do it well. Why wouldn't they want me?" Maybe it wasn't just that they wanted someone who could do the job. They might have wanted someone who could do it easier- someone a little older. Or maybe they just didn't like me. I don't always give off the best first impression, especially when I'm nervous. Anyway, it's interesting that growth is no longer a measure of what my abilities are, but rather how well I can do them. I suppose I've known that in a more esoteric sense for a while. I mean, I knew that my papers were being graded on how good they were, not on whether or not they were papers, but it still feels pretty weird.

Well I'm looking forward to everything getting easier. I can tell there's still a lot of room for growth, and I'd certainly like for things to be easier. There's going to be great moment when everything I have to do is relatively easy and my body won't have started breaking down too much yet (thus creating a new set of problems). Yup. That would be my prime. I'm looking forward to that. I think it'll be fun. There's something very satisfying about being competent and on top of your shit. I'm decently competent now, but I know given a little time (and by little I mean like a decade :p) I'll be more so, and I'm definitely going to enjoy that when it comes.