Slightly less friendly complaints

Ugh. Mullens is such a prick sometimes. I should have known he'd be a dick. I was watching something and I said that these two people weren't going to have sex when he thought they would. And then they did. And of course he rubbed it in. He's not worth having as a friend. He treats me like shit. I'm only there to boost his own ego, and since I don't do that terribly well, he treats me poorly. A true friend wants you to be happy. They don't hang out with you in the hopes that you'll make them feel better about themselves, sometimes at your own expense. I am pissed. I'll admit that he has some good features. More accurately, I have to admit that he has some good features because otherwise it would be very difficult to hang out with him. And I do need to hang out with him. I like his girlfriend/roommate Susan a lot. He also plays poker from time to time. I have to hang out with him, so I have to find his presence tolerable, but at present, I really do not. I know that when July happens, I will not be able to see much more of Susan, but at the moment, I'm hoping it comes sooner so that I can wave goodbye to Mullens. I really need a break from him, and the sooner the better.

Sigh. I hope Susan breaks up with him. They work together better than a lot of couples would, but in all honesty, Mullens needs to date someone stupid. Susan is too smart for him. She believes she got into Berkeley by the skin of her teeth, and maybe she did. I don't know. But she is decently smart. She has to study hard, but she does well when she does. She is perfectly capable of understanding everything put before her. She has a lower opinion of her intelligence than I think she should, and because of that, she and Mullens make an ok couple. She's fine deferring to his ideas because she has a lower opinion of her own than she should. He probably makes her feel even less intelligent than she is. It's his way to make it always look like he is right, and that can wear on a person after a while. Susan is too apt to agree and too easy-going to let it affect her too much, but I think she is mistaken, and certainly Mullens is. I hope it doesn't hurt her self esteem to be with him.

Part of me wants to tell Susan that she shouldn't put up with his shit (in a gentler way of course), but that's such a bad idea in so many ways. First of all, it's presumptuous. I could very easily be wrong. He may treat her differently than he treats me. I don't think I am wrong, but I don't know that I'm willing to risk saying anything, considering how poorly received I will be if I am. Second, sometimes women get very defensive of their boyfriends, even if they are not wholly satisfied. Women do listen to their girlfriends, and my advice might be thought upon later, but it could very easily be consider extremely offensive at the time. No one likes to be wrong. She's devoted a lot of time to him, and she probably doesn't want to think that was a waste. Also, for the same reason that I must find redeeming features in Mullens, she must find traits that she likes. She also has to look a lot harder than I do since she spends even more time together with him. She lives in the same room as him. If they start to fight, her life will get very unpleasant very quickly. She has little room to run. She lives locally, so she could easily go home to her parents, but they might start to wonder after a bit. She hasn't told them that they're sharing a room. I do know they wanted her to stay with them over the summer, so maybe they wouldn't mind too much. The only way she could get them to let her stay in Stebbins was by telling them she would lose her single if she left. I wonder how she explained the road trip she'll be taking with him in July.

But maybe I'm not justified in all of this. He does treat her well, especially when it comes to taking care of her. Of course, in those instances, he is the authority, the provider, the man. He does well in that role. But if he manages to stay in that role with her, then maybe things really are ok. Maybe it's not really an issue.

Sigh. I try to convince myself of that, but I can't do it. Maybe it's just because I would be dissatisfied if I were always taken care of, but I can't imagine anyone being satisfied if they were constantly put in that position. It's nice to be taken care of. It's nice to have someone pay attention to you. Mullens does both of those things. But if it's not an equal partnership (and the woman thinks there should be equality- not all women do), things are going to be rocky. I just hope she realizes how unpleasant things can be before she gets too entrenched.

Bah. I don't know what I'm doing meddling in other people's romances. Well, I'm not actually meddling, but I'm unhappy about it and perhaps dwelling a little more than I should. I just worry for Susan. I don't want things to be bad for her. I want to help if I can. But I think this may be a situation where I shouldn't help.

You know what? That's right. I shouldn't help. It's not in my best interest. I might end up losing a good friend. But if I were closer to her, I think I would meddle. I just have to decide how close I am. If I had known about Joe the things I know about him now, I would have tried to talk Justine out of marrying him, even if it meant I might lose Justine as a friend. I really care about Justine and her happiness. I care about Susan and her happiness, but do I care enough to tell her the things I think she should know? I can think of a million reasons why I should not say anything, but am I just trying to convince myself not to do the ethical, caring thing? Doing the right thing has not always served me well. I do not know if it would serve me well here either. This is a real conundrum.

I feel like I have an ethical obligation to bring it up. I won't rush about it, but if I can ever talk to her privately, I will try. It may be that my concerns will blow over before I get the chance to speak with her. I hope so. But it's useless for me to just sit here hoping they'll break up. If I really think that's the best thing for her, I should just act upon it and offer my advice. Of course that might just be me meddling, but I do worry a bit. My self esteem definitely decreased while I was dating Michael. He's a different person than Mullens is, but I feel the result may be similar. A lot of my friends thought we were not a good couple, but not that many people really said so. I don't think I would have appreciated their input at the time, but it would have been better for me, and I would have appreciated it later. In fact, I know I would have been pretty angry at the time had anyone tried to insult Michael. When you're already insecure about something, you tend to get defensive of it. I don't blame anyone for not letting me know they didn't like Michael. It might have strained the friendship, possibly even permanently. I know that my grandma never spoke to some of her family members again when they spoke poorly of my grandpa. Perhaps it is stupid. In fact, I know it is stupid. I know I have every reason in the world not to meddle. But a little stupidity is good sometimes. If you always do the smart thing and always play everything by the book, sometimes you miss out on something good. If I always did the smart thing, I wouldn't be marrying someone with cystic fibrosis, but I think that has been one of the best moves I have ever made.

I'm going to stupid. But I'm not going to be brash about it. I don't always exercise it, but I do possess some degree of subtlety. I can be patient and take my time, and hopefully, I'll be able to talk to Susan privately if I patiently await my opportunity. And if I'm frank about it and approach her out of concern, even if I am wrong, I think that my actions will be forgivable. At least I hope so.