Worrying

After writing my last post, I got to thinking, "how many people really worry and fret about worst case scenarios? Does everyone do that as much as me?" For most of the people I know, I would guess they have more of a "take it as it comes" mentality without worrying too much about what will happen in the next 5 or 10 years. It might have something to do with the place in life that most of my friends are at. Most of them don't know who they'll be spending the rest of their life with. Most don't have housing plans past a year or two. Most don't even know what they want, let alone what they'll be doing. So of course they take it as it comes. That's what I did for a while. But even when I was thinking more of the present day and less of the future, I still had a tendency to fret. Like if someone tells me they'll call and they don't, I think, "maybe they're dead. or there was a horrible accident." That's a little less grim than it sounds because even when I think that, I'm still aware that that is unlikely. The probability is very low, but slightly higher than usual. Though sometimes when it isn't higher than usual, I still think about it. Sometimes I just think, one of my friends could have died a few days ago and no one would have thought to contact me. One of my mom's closest friends died some years ago and she didn't find out for months because they didn't talk to each other that often. It's weird knowing you could be going through your normal routine as if nothing had changed when there has been an enormously huge change that you don't know about.

I know when I have kids one day my tendency towards fretting is going to get even worse. I always thought my mom was crazy for getting so worried when she wouldn't hear from Tony or me for even a short time, but I think I've got the fretting tendency just like she does.

Steven is a little like me, but not about the same things. he frets about the possibility of getting laid off. You never know how the stock market will turn and jobs that look secure one year could be slashed and burned the next. It's tough knowing how uncertain the future (and even the present) is. I think I'm feeling it even more now that I can begin to see a little of what the future might look like. I've got this glimmer of where I want to be and what I want to be doing and I really want all of that to go through. I guess it comes from having a lot. In all honesty, I have a lot. I have a wonderful husband, enough money that I don't need to sweat making rent, a job lined up for next year, a preapproved loan for a house, caring family and a great support network, and frankly the list goes on. I have a lot to be grateful for in life. i guess when that happens, sometimes you worry about losing some of it. I suppose that's why rich people sometimes get freakishly paranoid and install outrageous security systems. If you've got a lot, you've got a lot to lose. I know it's unlikely, but the thought of loss does plague me from time to time. But if that's one of the consequences of having something to lose, then I guess it's not that bad.