Venting

I need to vent for a moment because I'm kind of irked. I tried venting to Steven last night but he wasn't really into it. Bitching sessions kind of have to be accompanied by at least a little enthusiasm to keep going. But the blog never says no. Good blog.

So now onto the topic of bitching- Steven's dad (maybe explaining why he wasn't so into it). Sorry Steven! You know I think your dad is nice, but I just have to vent sometimes!

Steven's dad really is a nice person, but in some instances he can be really thoughtless. Honestly, it makes me wonder about the times when he does seem nice. Is he just doing it because he thinks he has to? Because when he feels like getting his own way, he will leave you by the wayside. Ok, that's being too harsh, but I am really annoyed right now. The first thing that annoyed me was how changeable he's been about his girlfriend and the wedding. At first, he decided he wasn't going to invite her because they haven't been dating for long (a couple months) and he didn't want her to interact with Sally. In fact, he forbid Sally to come to his mom's funeral even though Diana wanted her to be there. Sally didn't know she was forbidden to come because Diana was really tactful about it, but everyone was really frustrated by the whole thing. When Ken found out that Diana had invited Sally, he became really upset and worried that Sally an Denise (his new girlfriend) would start fighting or something. That whole idea is ridiculous of course; it's not like they're so immature as to fight at a funeral, but whatever the reality was, Ken did NOT want his ex wife there. So presumably, this is what he was thinking when he first said he wasn't going to bring Denise to the wedding. About a week ago, he asked if he should bring Denise. I said I thought it would be a bad idea. I don't think Denise and Sally will fight, but I think Sally will feel very sad and lonely because she can't find dates the way Ken can. I don't want her to be miserable at our wedding. Denise I barely know (and honestly, Ken doesn't know her that well either) whereas Sally is Steven's mom. I think Ken bringing his girlfriend is a little cruel.

So last week he asked if he could bring her and I said he really shouldn't. Last weekend he told Steven he was bringing her. Why did you ask, huh? There's nothing more rude than someone pretending they're asking your permission when they're just going to do it anyway. Steven said he shouldn't bring her and he did stand up for his mom, but the whole thing is still up in the air. Ken started really pushing for it and Steven conceded that if it was alright with me, it would be ok. Steven is leaning toward a compromise, where she could come to the wedding but not the rehearsal dinner. I just think it's mean and I'm a little disgusted by the whole thing. I know he doesn't care at all about Sally anymore, but you'd think he would at least be respectful and at least consider her feelings. He's been nothing but cruel to her his whole life. He told her he never loved her and only married her to break away from his parents. He cut off alimony payments as soon as her mom died without telling her because he figured she didn't need it anymore (clearly didn't think that sometimes it takes up to a year for all that stuff to finalize- if Steven hadn't helped his mom out, she would have lost her home). He's a cruel and selfish bastard when it comes to his ex wife. He pretends like he's nice, but he's so mean to her. I don't trust him for a second. He'd turn on me just as fast I'm sure. He's turned on Steven before too. Steven didn't like his dad's ex (Susan), so there were a lot of "family" dinners where Steven's sister was invited and he wasn't because Susan didn't like him. When he's dating someone he never makes time for his family. Steven's sister tries to hang out with him sometimes, but he's busy with Denise. It's like his family is a burden to him that he was never interested in and just had because he felt like he ought to or maybe he just saw it as the easy way to move out and get away from the rest of his family. If his family is such a burden, maybe he shouldn't even bother with us at all anymore. I certainly don't have any desire to see him right now. In fact, I'm going to avoid him like the plague I'm so angry. If Steven's dad ever deigns to find time for his family, he can do it without me. And the last time we went out to eat, all he could do the whole time was tell Steven and me what we should do and how to live our lives. He can fuck off. I don't want his advice. I think he's lead a shitty life and I think he's a mean, cruel person. I don't want to have anything to do with him. I don't care if he smiles and acts all nice most of the time. It's all a lie and he couldn't care less about other people. Sigh. I'll have to see him at the wedding and talk to him at the rehearsal dinner and even listen to a toast from him. God it's going to be hard to act like I'm having fun and not like I'm chafing at his very presence.

I hope I get over this recent bout of rage. Steven loves his dad a lot and I know he doesn't want any rifts. It's not like I have much to worry about since Steven's dad doesn't really have time for him anymore. So it's not like he's going to try to hang out with us, but when he does, I should just grin and bear it. I just don't want to though. I hate hiding how I feel. Well we really don't see him that often. And maybe before I get too upset, I should ask how Sally feels about it. Maybe she doesn't care and I'm getting worked up over nothing. But you know what- even if it doesn't bother her, it's not nothing. It would bother a lot of people (I know it would bother me), so for him to not care about that is really insensitive no matter what Sally's reaction actually will be. If she's really fine with it, then Denise can come. But that's the last I want to see of them for a long time. I've been meaning to eat out less anyway, so when Steven goes out with his dad, I'll just say I'm not eating out as much and decline to go on those grounds. It's not rude. Steven still gets time with his dad. And I don't have to look at him. Everyone's happy.

Sigh. I've been feeling this building up for a while, and before I was just irked. I thought writing about it would get me to settle down a little, but it's only gotten me much more worked up. Well I would have gotten this worked up eventually anyway. And I bet it would have been even worse the longer I waited. I have a sneaking suspicion that if I had vented a few days ago, I wouldn't be as mad as I am now. And if I waited much longer, I might have been much more angry. So I guess this is healthy, but I still feel bad about putting Steven in an awkward position. Maybe it would help if I talked to someone about it. My mom always gives me some perspective. Maybe I'll call her.