Evan

I'm bummed out about Evan. I've never seen anyone's personality change so dramatically before. I don't know if it was depression or drugs or some combination of the two, but he went from relatively normal to completely out of control. I never knew Evan all that well before. I liked him all right, but we weren't close or anything. He was just a fun guy who I didn't hang out with all that much, but when I did I enjoyed his company. Now I don't know what's going on with Evan. It's depressing. I want him to be his old self. I want him to be responsible like he used to be. I want him to get his life together. I thought he was pulling it together recently. He was doing his CK shift. He said he wanted to make up hours to the house and do extra work at CK. The people at CK loved him and were really supportive. They told me they were concerned about him last week during his shift. He seemed really amped up and it worried them. I meant to tell him the people at CK were worried. I saw him once since they told me and I didn't say anything then. I think I chose not to since I had other stuff going on and thought it would be awkward. I wish I had. I decided later I'd tell him the next time I saw him, even if he did just blow it off like he blew off my concerns last summer (when he wasn't doing workshift and I was worried he'd be terminated). But I haven't seen him since. He went home to LA to his parent's house. Honestly, that's been long overdue. He really needs help. He needs people who love him taking care of him. I hope his parents are able to help. Last night Jenna was crying. Susan said it was really loud because she was sobbing. Jenna and Evan are dating. At least they were. I don't know if they still are. But Evan is going to cancel his contract for next semester and he doesn't know if he's coming back for the rest of this semester.

So he's gone? I had been thinking for a while that it would probably be better for Evan if he moved into another co-op. He's too vilified here in Stebbins. He made such a mess of the workshift system that people have trouble associating him with anything else. He's alienated friends he used to have. He's pissed off people he barely knows by screaming in the halls at 1am. I did think that Evan would be better off starting anew than trying to shake off the reputation he's earned here this semester. But I didn't think he needed to leave the whole system. Is he still going to school? He was always so into it. He's a philosophy major and he really likes the subject. He would get really excited about it and talk to me about visiting lecturers I should go see. Then he'd never get back to me on the times they'd be showing up. Every so often I would catch glimpses of the old Evan. I mean, you can't change that dramatically and completely leave behind the way you used to be. But the old Evan doesn't show up all that often. Even if he could return to the way he used to be, people in the house give him a wide berth, especially the people who might remind him the most of how he used to be. Now he hangs out with people who are just a little crazy like him. The saner people would be good for him, but they don't want to hang out with someone as weird as him. I know I would be a little afraid of him if I didn't know how he used to be.

So it looks like Evan's thoroughly messed up his life. I wish it weren't true, but it really is. Hopefully he can get his life together again. I don't want him to stay this way his whole life. I want this to be a blip when he looks back on his life. I want him to stop taking drugs. I want him to clean out his system and start again. I hope he makes it back to college. I hope he's just leaving the USCA and not leaving Berkeley. I wish the best for Evan. I'm really glad we weren't too close or else this would have felt a lot worse for me. Right now I'm sad, but it's a distant kind of sad. I don't feel personally invested. I just want things to work better for Evan. I hope they do.