First update in a while

I hope it's not too long. I do have other things to do tonight. But I just wanted to write about the stuff going on right now. Unfortunately, that's a lot of stuff.

First, a gripe: I worked really hard in my math classes over the summer and I'm starting to think it doesn't matter very much. It matters that I took them, but no one checked up to make sure that I actually did. No one has asked what grade I got, nor do I suspect they will ask. Why did I work so hard again? I guess it would just have to be personal pride.

Now a tentative revel: My new room has a lot of potential. I have the feeling I will never move out of it. It's smaller than my old room, but it seems to work a lot better than the old one ever did. It's much easier to watch stuff on the computer (no more lying on my stomach) and I think I might just have enough space to wii in my room once I get a tv. I always wii a lot more when I'm at home and while that is in part bc I don't have many other things (like work) to do, it's mostly bc I don't have to go through all the setup every time I want to do something. If I just had it set up in my room constantly without fear of it being stolen if I leave the room for 30 seconds, I would get a lot more opportunities to play. Some would say that is a dangerous thing, but I would disagree. There are two ways of wasting time: in one big spurt (thus producing a ball of guilt to rival the sun) or by doing many small tasks (just one more) which doesn't produce guilt as effectively, especially as you rationalize away. I think having the wii setup will siphon my time wasting strategies away from the little things which never seem to stop (free cell, xkcd, etc) and into the big ball of guilt time wasters which inspire me to work even harder. Also, it can be an incentive as a reward for work in a way that free cell just isn't. Perhaps I'm just rationalizing my desire for wii, but I really like the possibility of having it in my room all to myself. To be honest, I've been very protective of the wii. Zach was a lot free-er with his. He let responsible people borrow it if they promised never to leave it alone in the room. I'm a bit more reluctant with it. I don't want it out if I'm not there. I can more or less make sure that is the case if I only play it in my room. And I can invite people to play it in my room, thus making my room a little more social. And if I don't like that, I can stop inviting people into my room. Now all I have to do is get a tv for my master plan to work.
Also my room has lots of shelf space. I like that. It needs a lot of cleaning up and fine tuning of where the furniture goes, but I can already tell it's going to shape up nicely.
The downside: my room is hot.

Now something I wasn't expecting about grad school: I need a new wardrobe. Well, not a totally new one, but apparently jeans and a t-shirt is not professional enough for teaching. We'll see about that when I'm actually a teacher. Grrr... But in reality, it makes sense. Apparently sometimes the younger grad students can sometimes be mistaken for one of the high school students. I don't think I look that young, but high school students are exceptionally awkward and often make mistakes like that. Plus I guess it gives you a little more authority to be dressed more like a teacher. Sigh... Steven gets to wear jeans and a t-shirt that's several days old that has a drawing of a wildcat with excessively anthropomorphized eyes that looks remarkably cheesy (no offense).
And speaking of how awkward high school students are, I just started my first placement today. It probably won't last for too long bc it conflicts with one of my classes, but I'm enjoying it for the short time I'm there. The teacher said I could just sit with the students or at the back of the room, and I felt it might be more instructive to sit with the students, much to the chagrin of the slightly goth-y chick I sat next to. "Awkward" "What was that?" "Oh nothing important." Later when one of her friends sat next to her, she whispered something to her.I didn't catch all of it, but the gist was "that's a teacher" (I wish). At which I said "Hi!" thus prompting them to dissolve in giggles and "She heard us!" High school students are so awkward. So very awkward. I may be older than them, but that does not immediately make me deaf. Nor does it mean that I care terribly if they unsuccessfully try to talk about me behind my back to my face. They seem to lack subtlety. I found it rather hilarious.

That whispered conversation got me so relaxed. I had been all nervous up until then, and then I suddenly realized, "Oh right... high school students are silly." Not in a bad way, mind you. I found her more endearing than anything else (though considering how much she talked in class, she may be in for a little trouble later in the semester when the teacher calls her on it. Though she seemed like a good kid all in all. She'll be cool when she grows up). But my reaction to the mini conversation about me was very relieving. It didn't upset me. It didn't get me fed up with them. It didn't really bother me at all. And that's important. You can't let your students get to you. And listening to them, I think I realized my students never will get to me. I see them as they are- painfully awkward. I don't think I would have my feelings hurt by anyone so awkward as that. Even a large group of awkward people probably couldn't really get to me. It's important to be mellow like that. But one thing I could do with awkward people is help them learn and maybe get a little less awkward. That I think I could do.
Also, being seated next to the bad kids (and bad is really a subjective term- I considered goth-y chick to be a pretty free thinker, assertive, and not afraid to be wrong- she really will be cool when she grows up a little. but for now she's just a smidge disruptive) was very informative. I didn't generally talk during class. Sure I did sometimes, but never on the first day and never in math class, a subject totally unconducive to talking. I had more deathly silent math classes than I had ones where people passed notes and chatted. There was just too much for people to do and learn for that sort of stuff to fly. You'd have to be willing to get a pretty bad grade if you were going to do that. And besides, the teachers tended to be hardasses about that. But anyway, I was never really of the mindset of just talking all during class. Sure I did it during art class, but never any class where there was actual material. No one around me really did either. In general, people stopped doing that pretty early in high school once they started getting challenged. This girl wasn't challenged yet at all. It was an algebra 1 class and they were starting out slow with addition and subtraction of positive and negative integers. She finished the homework while the teacher was still writing notes on the board and talked to her friend ever after. Her friend didn't have it quite as easy, but she still seemed to have a pretty good grasp of things. It was just addition and subtraction after all. Goth chick really should have been in a higher math class, but I guess if she didn't have algebra yet, there wasn't much she could do. And she didn't seem to mind being too smart for the material. It gave her more opportunity to slack off. See, this is not a bad kid. She still did all her homework, and even did some homework ahead before she just started goofing off (though admittedly she was only doing work ahead because she was talking when the teacher said the back side of the sheet would be tomorrow's homework and so didn't hear her... so awkward). I hope she doesn't get in too much trouble for all the goofing off she does. But she is just a high school freshman. What're ya gonna do. I reminded myself a lot of what high schoolers are like by listening to her. It was really informative.

Next item on the agenda: Cory hurt my feelings, and then surprisingly, realized later and apologized. He snapped at me for little to no reason and made me feel bad. I thought I hid it fairly well. I didn't act different for the rest of the night (what little was left of it). But later he called and apologized, and when he had told me he had a lot of other things on his mind as well. I was thoroughly surprised. That's never happened before. People have inadvertently hurt my feelings before, but if they don't realize it immediately, they have never realized and brought it up later. I was impressed. He essentially invited a very awkward conversation because he thought he might have hurt my feelings and wanted to make it better if he had. Needless to say, I was completely mollified. I really wasn't that put out before. Sometimes people get stressed and snap at the nearest person. It happens. I happen to be especially sensitive and I can't really hold that against people. I had resolved to be a little more cautious around Cory, but I don't think I have to be anymore. That's nice. I like Cory. I wish I had thought to invite him to Avenue Q, but I completely forgot. He probably would have enjoyed it too. Oh well.

I have other stuff I could write about, but I think this is enough for now. Besides, I have other things to write tonight (boo work!). Toodles!