Don't quite have the hang of this yet

So I decided not to make my blog private. And I'm posting again mere minutes after my previous post. I don't think I'm in the blogging groove yet. But I am rather excited about the whole blogging prospect. I tend to get that way. I get very enthused about something and spend a long time devoting all my energy to it. Then I get bored and it sorta falls off. Perhaps the same fate will happen to my blog. But for now it's all new and shiny and exciting, so it's getting the brunt of my attention. I certainly have enough to write about to keep me occupied for a while.

In fact, I'm a little worried about how much I have to write. I write a lot actually. I know I'm writing this blog more for myself than for anyone else, but at the rate I write, no one will read it. The bit I read from Dylan's blog all had very short, concise posts that were easy to read and had entertaining anecdotes. I fear mine will not be nearly so legible. Well suck it Dylan! I know you'll probably read this eventually. And then you'll know to suck it. Heh heh heh.

So I have oodles that I can write about right now... should I open that can of worms? Hrm. Meh. Why not. Like I said, I get enthused.

So, the event of today: angry dialogue with Shmu.
Shmu and I don't get along. Everything I say (not necessarily to him), he jumps at and criticizes. I can barely say anything in his presence without him hassling me for it. I can be talking about something relatively benign, but it generally doesn't matter. So i called him on it. I hated doing it, but it's been broiling for a long time. He keeps nitpicking at my every comment and I'm a little sick of it. In all fairness, he only does it out of loyalty, a trait I generally consider to be a good thing. I almost never criticize Shmu. At least I can't remember any instances. But I do criticize his friends. What can I say. They do stupid things. I think they're fine people, but we have different priorities and different interests, and I don't particularly want to hang out with them. We're in different places in life. And sometimes I think they do stupid things. And if I think something is stupid or if I disagree with someone, I'll say it. Is that an attack on them as a person? Probably. You can't really separate a critique on someone's actions with a critique on their character (at least not fully). So I guess that's how Shmu interprets my actions. He hears me talk trash about some of his friends, and he gets defensive. It's gone a little past being defensive of course. I suppose he thinks the best defense is a good offense. Whatever the reason, he thinks I'm a bad person and wants me to feel bad. he doesn't want any interaction with me to be pleasant. He's decided he doesn't like me, and he displays himself as such very blatantly to my face. I suppose that's at least more honest than the people who dislike me but smile to my face, not that he was terribly honest to me when I confronted him today.

I essentially said something along the lines of him disliking me and he disagreed. I didn't believe him then and I still don't now. He was aggresive and adversarial. He claims that he acts that way to everyone, but I'm not blind. He treats other people much differently. Yes, he snaps at everyone, but not quite in the same way that he snaps at me. He butts into conversations I'm having with other people to criticize me, my attitudes, my actions. I'm tired of it. I hate confrontations like this, but I'm really tired of being treated this way. I feel like he's trying to put me in my place, trying to right the wrongs I have created by trashing his fine, upstanding friends. He's taking it upon himself to mete out the punishment that I deserve. And I can't help but feel that there's a tinge of sexism at play as well. It's like he's thinking "If I yell at her every time she speaks, maybe I can get that bitch to shut her trap." I don't want to be silenced. I want to be able to interact with the world around me and not be afraid of someone yelling at me. But part of me is more afraid of a confrontation to defend myself that I know I'll lose.

I know I'll confront him in the end. The pressure was just let off a little, but it'll undoubtedly build up again. All Shmu has to do is continue at his current pace. I'm really worried about it, but as far as I'm concerned, the ball's in his court. I'll wait and see what he does, but from what I know about Shmu, I already have a pretty good expectation.

What a bummer. This is only my second post and I'm already in dramaville. I hate being so melodramatic and such. I rather have a little more wimsy and fun anecdotes about the day. Sigh. I really don't have the hang of this yet.