I hate driving

Seriously, how can people think it's fun? I know some people who think driving is relaxing and enjoyable. They like to go for a drive as if it were relaxing or something. I drive because I have to. It's something that's gotta be done. I have to get where I want to go and sometimes the only way to do that is via car. But I certainly don't think it's something fun to do and I would never do it unless I had to get somewhere.

Whenever I see someone who likes to drive, I think to myself, "Do you also like to sit still for long periods of time? And while you're sitting still you have to be paying constant attention? Oh and don't forget that you have about a million rules to be keeping in mind at once. And of course, if you fail to adhere to those rules and if you fail to pay attention and focus properly, you could die." I see driving as the most physical control that I have to have over my body at any point during the day. And if I don't have total control, there could be terrible consequences. If I even do something as minor as turning my steering wheel 15 degrees to the left while on the freeway, I'm likely to die. Even if I do nothing, I'm likely to die. All the road has to do is turn a little without me turning with it and I will crash into the median or, even worse, another car. How can you relax when there's always something to do? And not doing that something could be the last thing you don't do.

But that's not even the worst of it. You could be perfectly aware and alert, obeying the rules of the road, not fidgeting even when you really want to, and it still wouldn't be enough. One careless driver in the lane next to you is all it takes for you to die. Sure they'll be at fault, but that won't matter to you much when you're dead. So not only do you have to perfect, you have to trust every other person on the road to also be perfect, and honestly, I don't trust random people that much, especially not with my life.

I never particularly liked driving, but I didn't dislike it this much before my accident. I wonder how many people who enjoy driving have been in a huge car accident. My guess is very few. Most people don't realize the seriousness of driving. I certainly didn't. You don't really understand the forces at work until you feel them on your body. There's something incredibly sickening about feeling your body go from 65 mph to 0 in an instant. Imagine running as fast as you can and then tripping. Imagine how much it sucks to face plant right in the dirt. You probably weren't running more than 10 mph. And you didn't drop to 0 immediately. You probably skidded a bit. It might rip up your skin, but you wouldn't really feel it in your gut. When you're in a car and you stop suddenly (no skidding, no nothing), you still have momentum. Even if the car has a good safety rating and airbags deploy to keep you in one place, there's still a massive amount of force pushing you forward. I felt my insides surging forward because my body couldn't.

There's no real way to describe that feeling of incredible force working on your body. You don't feel it when you're driving regularly. It feels like you might as well be sitting at a table at home. The only difference is that the scenery outside your window is changing. But that force is there. It's an amazing marvel that we can harness such forces. By burning a little gasoline, we can propel our bodies through space at an alarming rate. And perhaps even more marvelous, this feat is commonplace, so commonplace that people don't think twice about it. To be honest, people usually don't think once about it.

And that's why I hate driving. Yes, it's necessary, and yes, I'll continue to do it when I have to, but I'm never going to stop hating it. And I'm never going to stop being scared when I have to do it. Just yesterday the thought occurred to me, "I'm not going to get over this, am I?" I figured it would fade and I'd become complacent once again. I wished that I would. But I can see that I'm not going to. That's something I just have to accept. There are people all over the world who must live with their fears. And, at least when I'm driving, I am one of them.